


The Adventures of Yusuf, Best Superhero Ever

by jibrailis



Category: Inception (2010)
Genre: Friendship, Gen
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2010-12-15
Updated: 2010-12-15
Packaged: 2017-10-13 22:45:06
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,081
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/142546
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/jibrailis/pseuds/jibrailis
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Yusuf develops superpowers. Arthur develops a complex.</p>
            </blockquote>





	The Adventures of Yusuf, Best Superhero Ever

**Author's Note:**

> Written for neomeruru!

Yusuf had not expected the process that would start with him being bitten by a cat and end up with him becoming a superhero, but to be fair, he hadn't expected Casual Friday either. Casual Friday had been Cobb's idea and the all too inevitable result of returning to his role as father and therefore as perpetual bib for his children's food tantrums. At least, this was Yusuf's suspicion, though he never dared ask. Cobb announced Casual Friday with the grim determination of a man about to wrestle an alligator, except that this alligator was named Arthur and carried a 9x19mm Generation 3 Glock 17.

"I know you have casual clothes, Arthur," Cobb said. "I've seen them before. Hanging in your closet even."

"Like what?" Arthur demanded.

"Like that shirt! With the stripes on the collar! And that other thing!"

Arthur's eyes narrowed, and Yusuf immediately rolled his chair back behind the desk, which he hoped was thick enough to block at least a few bullets. "That shirt you are describing cost five hundred dollars," Arthur said. "By the way, Dom, you are not my _fashion tyrant_. You can't tell me what to wear." 

"Robin," Cobb said, and Yusuf watched as Arthur's face went bright red.

"But--" he began.

"Robin," Cobb said again, and he stared at Arthur very meaningfully until Arthur shriveled from proud point man to small ball of irredeemable anguish.

" _Fine_ ," Arthur snapped, "but after this, we will never speak of that incident again." Cobb nodded, Arthur squared his shoulders, and on Friday he came in wearing jeans and a black t-shirt. Ariadne perked up in attention when Arthur walked in, Eames wolf-whistled, and Yusuf felt ruefully insignificant because for Casual Friday he'd pulled on the Sens hoody that he'd had since college and smelled like the cat food he gave Fikriyya when she was being fussy.

Which probably explained why the stray grey cat that darted into the office with Arthur streaked across the room, jumped up onto Yusuf's shoulder, and bit him.

"Oh my god what the hell," Yusuf said.

"That cat followed me all the way here," Arthur said, "lured in by the trail of bad fashion."

"Jeans and a black t-shirt are _not_ bad fashion," Ariadne protested.

"I'm bleeding!" Yusuf said.

"Are we wearing the same outfit?" Arthur asked Eames, scandalized.

"I knew there was a reason you looked so good today. Did you pick yours out at Old Navy?" Eames replied, chewing on the toothpick between his lips. Orange socks peeked out from above the rolled up tongue of his blue sneakers.

"Old Navy," Arthur choked. 

"I think I'm dying!" Yusuf shouted as his body convulsed and his vision went black.

 

* * *

 

When he came to, he was lying on the couch in the corner of the office and Eames was sitting at his feet, reading a Gossip Girl novel. "Oh hey," Eames said when he saw Yusuf stirring. "That cat must have bitten you hard."

"I think I have _rabies_ ," Yusuf said. "Why didn't any of you take me to the hospital?"

"Well, Cobb's a registered nurse."

"What?" Yusuf said.

"I resent your condescension. You think I was born a dream extractor? I have dimensions. I have other interests and desires. I have deep pockets of mystery," Cobb said huffily from behind his desk where he was drawing up plans for their next heist. "I checked you out, Yusuf, you're fine. It must be heat exhaustion."

Yusuf stared at Cobb's desk, which suddenly lifted three feet in the air and hovered there.

"Or not," Cobb amended.

 

* * *

 

"You have superpowers," Ariadne said, jumping up and down on her feet in barely concealed excitement. "Yusuf, Yusuf, this is the greatest day of my life. A cat bit you and now you have superpowers. It's like Spiderman! Wait, no, wrong animal. You're...you're _Catwoman._ "

Yusuf stared at her in faint shock and horror. Ariadne flew up into the air.

"This is awesome!" she shouted from the ceiling.

"How am I going to explain this to my mother?" Yusuf asked in despair. "She's already been sniffing around asking about my lab. How am I going to say 'oh yes, mama, I supply wanted felons with the drugs to do their felonies, and by the way, I can move objects with my mind?' I'll never be invited home for mutton biryani again! You don't know what it'll mean to lose her mutton biryani. It's very good!"

"This really is an unexplored marketing opportunity for Hallmark," Eames agreed. 

"I'll cook mutton biryani for you," Ariadne offered, still dangling up in the air. "Yusuf, you're clearly not seeing the advantages of this. You have superpowers now; you can steal all the mutton biryani in the world by making them fly into your mouth! And think of the scientific possibilities!"

Yusuf paused. 

"Think of the chemical composition of your body in this altered state," Ariadne said.

"That's true," Yusuf said slowly. "I hadn't considered that until now. Think of all the genetic studies that could be performed on me right now. Think of all the research opportunities. Think of all the grants and all the envy of my peers in the scientific community. Think of the Nobel Prize that I'll surely win for my contribution to chemistry and the betterment of the human race." He started beaming. "This is wonderful. Thank you, Ariadne! Thank you, stray cat! I'm thrilled!"

"Yay," said Arthur. "Now can someone help me take this shirt off Eames because being shirt twins with him is draining me of my will to live."

Yusuf looked at Eames and ripped the shirt off with his mind.

"Darling," Eames said appreciatively.

 

* * *

 

X-Men had lied. There was, apparently, only a shallow learning curve to coping with life as a genetic mutant, and within the next few days Yusuf grew quite adept at controlling his telekinetic powers. Ariadne and Eames, when they were finished their work for the job, set up practice tests for him, and the three of them cleared a space at the other end of the office where Yusuf lifted furniture, flower pots, computers. By the end of the third day they were playing darts.

Eames, international man of mystery and self-proclaimed waffle connoisseur, won the vast majority of these dart games, and Ariadne, who was probably more near-sighted than she liked to admit, lost most of them. Yusuf placed squarely in the middle, though he did have the added showmanship of being able to move the darts with his mind.

"Your aim isn't perfect," Eames observed, "but it probably wasn't to begin with. All in all, you're doing pretty well with your new powers. Ready to move on to the big boys?"

A little known fact about Yusuf and Eames was that they had actually gone to school together in the U.K, where Eames had been a year above Yusuf and was responsible for Yusuf becoming a chemist actually, for the sole purpose of learning how to make antidotes to save Eames' life. They'd parted ways after graduation, and by the next time they met Eames was a lot sharper and smoother than Yusuf had remembered -- though no more deadly, because even at sixteen Eames had been trouble incarnate. All of which to say, Yusuf recognized that particular lilt in Eames' voice, and he knew that nothing good could come out of it.

Which didn't stop him from following Eames' plots though, and Yusuf didn't know what was worse: being stupid enough to do stupid things, or being smart enough to know that you're doing stupid things but doing them anyway. Repeatedly. With great vigor.

"Let's get a grand piano," Eames said, "and you can float it to the top of a tower, and then we can--"

Cobb cleared his throat.

"--hell, maybe you can move towers," Eames continued.

"Ahem," Cobb said.

Yusuf turned to him. "Your throat sounds sore. Would you like a cough drop?" he asked sweetly, while Cobb's mouth drooped in severe disapproval.

"I just want to say," he said, "that I am an excellent nurse. I don't want anybody here doubting my medical abilities. The fact that I couldn't tell the cat bite gave Yusuf mutant powers is a mistake that could happen to anybody."

"Wait, so you admit it was a mistake," Eames said.

" _Mutant powers_ ," Cobb said. "Really, I think your expectations of me are a _bit_ high."

"All right, Cobb, whatever you say," Ariadne replied, and Cobb looked like someone had smacked him on the face with a piece of tuna, but it was to be expected: Ariadne was going through her rebellious stage, after all. It wasn't as if she could have idolized Cobb forever, especially not after visiting his house and seeing him totally perplexed by the actual existence of his children, who were apparently quite a bit louder and messier than his golden memory of them. Ariadne turned back to the dart game and threw her dart, missing the bullseye completely. "Oh damn," she said. 

Yusuf's turn. He focused on a dart, lifted it up, and tossed it at the board, where it stuck in one of the outer rings. "Not bad," he said. "Not bad at all." 

Arthur, who had been sitting in the corner with his shoulders hunched this entire time, silently suffering the residual indignities of Casual Friday, stood up suddenly. He walked over to the dart board. He pulled out his gun and fired two shots directly into the centre. He walked back to his desk and sat down.

"Do you think he's angry at something?" Yusuf wondered.

 

* * *

 

In general, Yusuf was predisposed to like Arthur. What was there not to like? Arthur was smart, capable, carried a flask of alcohol on him at all times, and was only a douchebag about half the days of the week -- all the days if you were Eames, but then again, Eames' dream of choice was apparently a frozen Canadian wasteland where the preferred method of transportation was skis, so Yusuf was inclined to let that one go. Eames was kind of out of his mind.

But Arthur generally treated Yusuf decently, and while they weren't friends, they were cordial colleagues, and occasionally he and Yusuf would share a drink together after a job. So Yusuf didn't particularly understand why, after developing superpowers, Arthur kept looking at him like he wanted to smash Yusuf's brains in.

The only time when Yusuf wasn't the subject of Arthur's cold stares was when a group of men dressed in black broke into the office on Thursday and started shooting.

"Get down!" Cobb said, grabbing Ariadne and shoving her under a desk. Arthur and Eames took cover at the same time as Yusuf did, and Yusuf watched as Arthur and Eames loaded their guns and started firing back. The air became very noisy with the sound of bullets and furniture breaking, with papers flying everywhere as the room started falling apart. Yusuf looked over at where Cobb and Ariadne were ducking, Cobb with his Beretta 92FS.

The desk they were hiding behind looked a lot sturdier than the one Yusuf was using as a shield, so Yusuf glanced two ways and made sure that the attackers were focusing on Arthur and Eames instead. Then he started crawling.

"What are you doing?" Cobb hissed as Yusuf joined him and Ariadne under cover.

"It's safer here," Yusuf hissed. 

"Are you -- are you actually..." There was a vein on the side of Cobb's face. It bulged. "Yusuf, you have superpowers. Use them."

"Oh," Yusuf said. " _Oh_." He crossed his arms over his chest defensively. "I've had them for less than two weeks, all right. You can't blame me for not thinking of them immediately." He peeked over the side of the desk. "Uh, are you sure it's safe? I don't want to be shot in the head before I get to actually use my powers."

"I'll cover you," said Cobb, and so there were no more excuses. Yusuf had always been insistent that he was a lover, not a fighter -- except when it came to super cheap sales on cat food; then he elbowed with the best of them. But Ariadne was at his side, covering her ears and grimacing, and Cobb's face was shining with sweat, which was a little weird actually, but it also gave Yusuf the push to stand up and _squint.  
_  
The guns the attackers were holding went flying into Yusuf's hands.

"Wow," Ariadne said.

"That should have been my power," Cobb grumbled. "I'm the one with the eye mojo. I resent this."

Yusuf squinted harder and the attackers found themselves being lifted into the air and then slammed into the wall. Then lifted away and slammed back. Yusuf did it a third time for good measure. Eames let out a cheerful whoop, and Arthur gave Yusuf the most poisonous look Yusuf had ever received in his entire life. If Arthur had superpowers -- and the ability to emerge from a ten hour flight with hair perfectly coiffed, although impressive, did not count as a superpower -- this look would have incinerated Yusuf on the spot.

Yusuf was a sensitive new age guy, and he didn't like it when people resented him, but at this moment his sensitive new age guyness had been replaced by the sheer primal adrenaline of having taken out five shady attackers without touching them. Five. Count them. Five. _Him._

 __Yusuf had the urge to rip off his shirt and pound his chest in victory. But as this was probably not the proper etiquette after ass-kicking -- even an ass-kicking as grand as this --, he settled for a discreet fist pump instead.

 

* * *

 

 

After that, after he had awoken to the sheer action hero awesomeness of being able to move things with his mind, Superhero Yusuf was born.

Superhero Yusuf helped Ariadne move from her old apartment to her new apartment.

Superhero Yusuf dropped a grand piano into a lake for Eames.

Superhero Yusuf chased after James and Philippa after they had eaten too much sugar, and he corralled them into the play pen for Cobb.

Superhero Yusuf realized that he could move himself as well, and that mean he could fly.

Superhero Yusuf could _fly_.

"I love cats," Superhero Yusuf said as he zoomed around the city in the clouds, the hood of his hoody flapping behind him as a cape. "I love cats so much."

 

* * *

 

Arthur remained a problem, however. Arthur was the only person who had yet to warm to Superhero Yusuf, and Superhero Yusuf felt this was a shame because there was so much he could do for Arthur. Now that Superhero Yusuf had joined the other men of the team in the rugged he-man terrain of beating people up, he thought he and Arthur would have a lot more to talk about. You know, such as the vicarious feeling of making hardened criminals beg for mercy. That sort of thing. And it wasn't fair that Superhero Yusuf was doing favours for all the other members of the team and not Arthur. Superhero Yusuf was a champion of fairness.

"Arthur, is there anything I can do for you?" Superhero Yusuf asked him politely when they were leaving the office one day. "You don't need to be shy."

Arthur's fingers twitched. Superhero Yusuf privately thought that he might want to get that checked one day; it could be the sign of a deeper medical condition.

"I'm fine," Arthur said.

"I could get you a salad," Superhero Yusuf offered. "I've noticed you like those."

"I'm _fine_ ," Arthur said. "Now please leave me alone." 

But Arthur had never been a very good liar, and Superhero Yusuf decided that if Arthur wasn't going to tell him what he wanted, then Superhero Yusuf would just have to figure it out himself. 

It would be inaccurate to say that Superhero Yusuf stalked Arthur the next day after work. Flying in the sky above him as he walked from the office to the hotel he was staying wasn't stalking per se; at least it wasn't covered in any of the criminal codes that Superhero Yusuf knew of. Arthur, for all of his killer instincts, didn't look up at the sky to see if anyone was following him, which was an evolutionary failing that most people possessed, as Superhero Yusuf had discovered recently.

He flew after Arthur as Arthur stopped in front of an ice cream shop. Then he watched as Arthur shifted guiltily and entered the shop. When he came out, ten minutes later, he was carrying a cone with two scoops of bubble gum ice cream. He was smiling. There were dimples involved.

 _That is so adorable_ , Superhero Yusuf thought, his heart warming.

Then Arthur turned towards the direction of his hotel, took a few steps, and tripped.

Superhero Yusuf's reflexes kicked into action. He zoomed down from the sky, rushing towards Arthur to save him from his own clumsiness, but Superhero Yusuf had only been a superhero for less than a week, and he wasn't fast enough yet.

Arthur fell face first onto the ground.

His ice cream went splat.

"Um," Yusuf said, preparing for the world-shaking anger that would be Arthur's reaction. But Arthur was silent as Yusuf helped him up and psychically removed the bits of bubble gum ice cream from Arthur's face. Arthur frowned slightly, but otherwise he said nothing. He pulled himself to his feet and walked away with the remains of his dignity.

"It was good to see you!" Yusuf called after him.

No response.

 

* * *

 

Yusuf would be the first to admit that when he dug into a thought, he had trouble letting it go. And the thought that Arthur hated him nagged at Yusuf until he knew he had to do something about it for his peace of mind. He decided to approach Cobb first, because Cobb had known Arthur the longest and had worked with him the most.

"Why does Arthur hate me?" Yusuf asked.

Cobb sighed and stopped trying to wipe the remains of James' lunch from his tie. "Arthur doesn't hate you. Well," he amended, "okay, he does. Quite a lot. But don't take it personally."

"I don't understand!" Yusuf said. "I've always been nice to him. I always say hello and good morning. I always remember to bring him a chai latte when I go on a coffee run. I don't even say anything about the math mistakes he sometimes makes in his plans!"

Cobb slammed his hand over Yusuf's mouth. "Shhh!" He looked around furtively, but Arthur was in the washroom. "We never talk about Arthur's math mistakes around here," he said. "Never. He'll go Rambo on us."

"Okay," Yusuf agreed. "But I still don't understand. I'm probably nicer to him than anybody, but he seems to hate me even more than he hates Eames these days."

"Let me tell you a story about Arthur," Cobb said. "You have to promise to never tell anyone else."

"I promise," Yusuf said.

"When Arthur was ten, he dressed up as Robin for Halloween," Cobb said. "He had his mother make the costume, but he designed it himself. He drew it out, he coloured it in, he tagged with his mother along to the fabric store and picked out all the cloths that she was going to use. It was going to be the best Robin costume ever and he was going to use it to win a kiss from Katie Lee down the street."

"I've noticed that a lot of what Arthur does is driven by the goal to have pretty girls kiss him," Yusuf said.

"Anyway," Cobb continued. "When the costume was ready, Arthur put it on and felt like he could take on the world. He wore it to the class Halloween party, where they gave out candied corn and chocolate bars. He marched up to Katie Lee, hoping that she would be impressed by how good he looked when..." Cobb lowered his voice. " _When the fabric over Arthur's buttocks ripped and exposed him."  
_  
Yusuf stared.

"And that's why Arthur became a dream criminal," Cobb said. "It's also why he has the tendency to chew all his food on the left side of his face."

"Wait, _what_?"

"Don't make me repeat the story again," Cobb said, as Arthur stepped through the doorway and returned.

 

* * *

 

Yusuf did take one important detail away from Cobb's story, however, and not long after he presented Arthur with a box. "Unwrap it," he urged, while Arthur eyed him suspiciously.

Arthur unwrapped it, and inside was an adult Robin costume.

"It's very, ah, sturdy," Yusuf said helpfully.

"What are you trying to insinuate?" Arthur asked. "You don't get to be Batman."

Yusuf pointed a finger at him. "You and I, my friend, are going to have an adventure. No ifs, no buts. You can't shoot me to get out of it either, because I'll just stop the bullets. You have no choice. We are going to have fun if it kills us, which in your case, it probably will."

"Fuck," Arthur said.

"Follow me," Yusuf replied, and Arthur did. When they reached the parking lot, Yusuf grabbed Arthur's hand and pulled him close to his chest.

"Uh," Arthur said, pressed against Yusuf's body, "you know I don't feel that way about you, right?"

"Shut up," Yusuf said, and then he launched them into the sky. 

Flying was the best feeling, bold and powerful and uncontrollable, and Yusuf wanted to show Arthur this, wanted to give him that piece of a dream he had when he was ten years old and huddled under his covers at night reading comic books by flashlight. The air was dagger sharp against their cheeks, but Yusuf pushed them higher and flew them out of the city and into the countryside. Arthur was quiet as he held on to Yusuf for his life, but when Yusuf looked down he could see the widening of Arthur's eyes and the expression on his mobile face that wasn't anger anymore, but rather surprise and maybe yearning as well. 

There was a field set up full of targets, and Yusuf yelled, "I've got a gun in a holster on my hip. Use it!"

"What?" Arthur yelled back.

"Come on!" Yusuf said. "Don't tell me you've never wanted to fly around and shoot shit from the sky!"

Arthur's mouth flapped unattractively. But then he was reaching for the gun that Yusuf brought with him, and he was taking aim at the painted targets that Yusuf spent all morning setting up. Yusuf circled the field as Arthur fired, fired, and fired.

"Slow down!" Arthur said. "You've moving too fast!"

"Sorry, I thought you _liked_ a challenge," Yusuf retorted, and that did the trick. Arthur's eyes burned with competition and without further ado he knocked out five targets in a row.

"Nice!" Yusuf said.

Arthur laughed in disbelief. "I can't believe I'm doing this!" he said.

"Isn't it great?" Yusuf beamed.

Arthur looked up at him. "Yeah," he said breathlessly, "yeah, it is."

 

* * *

 

"So are we friends?" Yusuf asked Arthur when they returned to the office and Yusuf lowered Arthur to the ground gently. "Because I hate it when you're angry at me. It gives me ulcers."

"Yusuf, you are deranged and you smell like cat pee," Arthur said, running both hands through his windswept hair. "But as long as you take me sky shooting again, I think friendship can be arranged."

"So you're just using me," Yusuf said sadly.

"Don't push it," Arthur warned. He started walking towards the office building, but he stopped at the halfway point. Without turning around, he said, "Though I suppose we can go for ice cream sometime. In the far, far future."

"Sounds good," Yusuf said. "I'll bring extra napkins just in case."

Arthur gave him the finger.

Yusuf watched him go, and then he did a little twirl in the air in celebration. _Mission accomplished_ , he thought. _I am the best superhero ever._

 __Though he was probably going to leave this particular superpower off his playing card when he was famous. The Power of Friendship didn't have quite the oomph that he wanted.

 

* * *

 

In the far, far future, Arthur rolled over and put his hands on his stomach. "I think I ate too much ice cream," he groaned. "It hurts. Yusuf, make it stop."

Yusuf furrowed his brow and started concentrating.

"What the fuck," Arthur said. "You're a chemist."

"Oh, right," Yusuf said, and handed over the box of pills.


End file.
